"Keep your Dinglehopper to yourself."
Before anyone starts thinking anything incidient, allow me to clarify. In Disney's the Little Mermaid, the Dinglehopper is Ariel's name for the strange metal device and little fork that one is supposed to use to crack crab legs open. Something that I, as well as several other friends, discovered cannot seem to use properly at all. Knowing that I had already paid in advance for my ticket to go see the Hangover II (the irony of which I found hysterical, even without having seen the first movie. A movie about a hangover on Prom night? Surely it was a prediction for the future), I arrived at the Red Lobsters the others had picked more or less on time. No grand limo, no rented van like my friends attending Prom were doing, just a quick bus ride and some walking.
Overall, the entire night was by far more informal than I think going to a Prom at a more Suburban school, at even the one our peers were attending would have been. None of the girls who didn't already put on makeup went 'all' out for transformations, most of us were in jeans, but most of us did at least wear something we considered to be a nice shirt. The evening started with dinner at Red Lobsters, followed by walking over to where the Hangover was playing (taking pictures the entire time), and while yes, we did need IDs, it wasn't because there were any drugs getting past around. They were just extremely careful about not letting anyone under 17 into the movie. At half an hour to midnight, we raced into the subway to make sure we could all get the cake we promised the birthday girl we would be meeting in an hour. We made it into the bakery, jumped in cabs and arrived at the Karaoke Bar where we would be meeting our friends from Prom - an hour early. Getting turned away, we bummed around the neighborhood, laughing and taking more pictures. As it creeped closer to 1AM, we went back to the Karaoke Bar, meeting up with the first few stragglers of our group. Of course, jaws dropped.
"Oh my god, you look so good~. Gorgegous! Amazing!"
I can't count how many times I heard one of us squeal this to one another. Even my original group of girls who weren't decked out in gowns and weaves earned similar compliments - is it impossible to look good on this night? Head inside, we all dished out the per person $12 and from there, the noise began. No one attempted to sing anything qualitative be it how they sang or what they sang. Everyone was loud, screaming and dancing, or at the very least, snapping pictures and singing along from the couch. At some point I remember someone put on Tik Tok by Ke$ha and we were all singing so loud everyone kept losing their breath throughout the entire song - you could hear the uniformed gasps coming from us.
The night started to end at 3AM when our booking ended. Most of us went out for food, not intending to show up for school the next day but I headed home, made it to school as the first senior in the building and then stayed the entire day anyway. Believe it or not, staying at school was a lot of fun. So was it what I expected? More or less. I expected someone to be drunk or get drunk but that never happened and I don't think it would make a difference. I didn't miss going to Prom and after listening to accounts of what music was playing, how people were acting and where it even was, I'm sure I had more fun then all of them. I don't really intend to attend any Proms but I can think of one or two friends that if they asked me, I'd go. I know if I lived in California, I definitely would have crashed the Proms of my three friends, even if that would be the cost of two proms.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Prom Interviews
In hindsight of my earlier post, maybe Prom isn't as much the the best night of a young person's life as it was played up to be in previous mentionings. For this project, I actually had a hard time finding someone who had actually attended a prom that was relatively my age. Most of my friends either opted out or were homeschool kids who didn't have access to proms. (One did and even then, the idea that your date matters and that you'll be judged on it still prevailed - "I mean, I wasn't about to go to prom with him." Him being some outcast boy who was, "too weird, even for me.") In the end, I wound up interviewing Dee (from the birth interviews) and Empire (from the death interviews) yet again as well as one of my friends I've been friends with since 6th grade, Lady. In a nutshell, Empire attended both her own prom and the prom at her girlfriend's school, Lady will attend our prom and Dee attended a Junior and Senior Prom.
All three women admit to buying their own, special dress but their concerns for it were different. Empire wanted something that looked flattering, Lady went out shopping with her mother and wanted a strapless one but was ultimately vetoed, buying a shorter one instead, and Dee got hers from Saks on Fifth Avenue. "Rosie was doing word processing before anyone else knew how to," Dee explained as how such a dress could be afforded, "She couldn't stand the idea of me not having money for a dress." Both Dee and Empire got their hair done for the event but neither went to the salon. Empire's mother did it for her and the sister of Dee's boyfriend did hers. Neither saw the importance in going to the salon when they could get it done just as easily at home, especially Empire who just trimmed her hair some. Lady however, looked scandalized at the thought. "I can't handle hair. I don't know where I'll go but I cannot do it at home." No matter the generation, looking your best seemed to be the only option available. Neither of the women considered going without makeup and none of them considered showing up in street clothes. When pressed, each of them just answered that you just shouldn't do that because "it's prom."
Like in the other units, most predictably, most of what influenced their decisions. No one could name why there was an expectation of limos. The closet I got was Lady's, "It would be nice but we can't afford it. We're all coming in a van instead." As the one who is going to prom, I found her expectations of the party itself rather bland compared to the script we discussed in class. "I don't think there will be any drugs or alcohol. I mean, there are teachers and it's four hours. I have faith we can all behave." Are teenagers really expected or supposed to 'behave' on their prom night? People often talk about 'that prom experience' and even Dee noted she didn't remember much because of how much she drank - enough that when she spent the night at a friend's house, both girls took turns throwing up. Do we really have an experience if we don't get totally smashed?
Empire argued yes. "You don't need alcohol to have fun. Really."At both proms she attended, even the chances of spiking the drinks was impossible. "You couldn't bring outside drinks into mine. There was only canned soda. At her's, you weren't allowed unsealed water bottles and they searched you at both." She insists that at both, they had a blast. "I didn't sleep at all. I remember we came in at 3am and realized my bus back home left in a few hours so I had to rush to pack." As she insists, they danced the night away both times - enough so that when she later called me to keep her awake (so she wouldn't miss her bus stop) she couldn't stop complaining about her feet.
Dee confirms that there was booze, as she did wind up getting sick, but both her and Empire's accounts were missing something very important- other people. For a night when we're supposed to dolled up for the world, neither of them could speak about what much of their peers were doing other than dancing and kissing. If this is the case, than why is there that rumored stigma against kids who don't dress well or don't want to go to prom? Do people who watch remember for only that first minute? Should we even care past impressimg ourselves and our dates?
All three women admit to buying their own, special dress but their concerns for it were different. Empire wanted something that looked flattering, Lady went out shopping with her mother and wanted a strapless one but was ultimately vetoed, buying a shorter one instead, and Dee got hers from Saks on Fifth Avenue. "Rosie was doing word processing before anyone else knew how to," Dee explained as how such a dress could be afforded, "She couldn't stand the idea of me not having money for a dress." Both Dee and Empire got their hair done for the event but neither went to the salon. Empire's mother did it for her and the sister of Dee's boyfriend did hers. Neither saw the importance in going to the salon when they could get it done just as easily at home, especially Empire who just trimmed her hair some. Lady however, looked scandalized at the thought. "I can't handle hair. I don't know where I'll go but I cannot do it at home." No matter the generation, looking your best seemed to be the only option available. Neither of the women considered going without makeup and none of them considered showing up in street clothes. When pressed, each of them just answered that you just shouldn't do that because "it's prom."
Like in the other units, most predictably, most of what influenced their decisions. No one could name why there was an expectation of limos. The closet I got was Lady's, "It would be nice but we can't afford it. We're all coming in a van instead." As the one who is going to prom, I found her expectations of the party itself rather bland compared to the script we discussed in class. "I don't think there will be any drugs or alcohol. I mean, there are teachers and it's four hours. I have faith we can all behave." Are teenagers really expected or supposed to 'behave' on their prom night? People often talk about 'that prom experience' and even Dee noted she didn't remember much because of how much she drank - enough that when she spent the night at a friend's house, both girls took turns throwing up. Do we really have an experience if we don't get totally smashed?
Empire argued yes. "You don't need alcohol to have fun. Really."At both proms she attended, even the chances of spiking the drinks was impossible. "You couldn't bring outside drinks into mine. There was only canned soda. At her's, you weren't allowed unsealed water bottles and they searched you at both." She insists that at both, they had a blast. "I didn't sleep at all. I remember we came in at 3am and realized my bus back home left in a few hours so I had to rush to pack." As she insists, they danced the night away both times - enough so that when she later called me to keep her awake (so she wouldn't miss her bus stop) she couldn't stop complaining about her feet.
Dee confirms that there was booze, as she did wind up getting sick, but both her and Empire's accounts were missing something very important- other people. For a night when we're supposed to dolled up for the world, neither of them could speak about what much of their peers were doing other than dancing and kissing. If this is the case, than why is there that rumored stigma against kids who don't dress well or don't want to go to prom? Do people who watch remember for only that first minute? Should we even care past impressimg ourselves and our dates?
Monday, May 23, 2011
Initial thoughts on Prom
In the few times I've heard Prom mentioned in passing before my senior year and in class this year, I didn't think much on it. I never looked forward to it, only cringed at the thought that I might have to actually buy some 'special' dress to wear on what I heard adults often refer to as what's supposed to be "the best night" of my life. Entering high school, I found this idea to be immensely disappointing. I've never liked parties, loud music, or being around most people in my grade and not to mention, I'm still in high school. If that's when the best night of my life if supposed to happen, then what's the point to any life outside of high school? What would be the point of college or even getting a job if we're supposed to be forever immortalized at a moment in our youth, dressed to the nines, grasping tightly to the hands of our date or friend as we await Prom King and Queen to be announced?
I'll be honest, compared to the rest of my peers, I probably don't know nearly as much as they do when it comes to what may or may not happen on a Prom night. I don't read magazines, especially not ones where pages are devoted to anything about Prom and I rarely watch movies that even mention prom. Off the top of my head, the only ones I can think of with a Prom Scene or focus are Back to the Future, Grease, the Virgin Suicides, Mean Girls, Prom Night (a horror film), and when I took my cousin to see Twilight for her birthday. All I really got out of those was that you needed a date, a nice dress, you'd probably get drunk and you'd either get made fun of for wearing a 'bad' dress or everyone would be annoying you with comments about how they didn't think or know you could look good. Of course, sitting on the 'bleachers' is an option but I don't see the point of even going if someone knew they were going to be one of these people. With these preconceived notions in mind and the fact that college is just around the corner, bringing with it oodles of loans and debt that are still hard to conceptualize, I would never be able to justify the price of a prom ticket costing more than $50. Even though my grandfather offered to pay for the complete cost of my ticket and any dress I wanted, that seems like a lot of money, too much money really. Add the fact that it's expected of girls to buy at least a new dress and that cost just higher.
A new dress and heels is something I can justify even less - what's wrong with clothes we might have hanging in our closets? I know even if I was going to prom, I have a black gothic looking dress with a high collar that I got for Christmas that I would wear. I think of the night in terms of cost per wear, Prom as a rule is a complete and total waste, especially for kids our age. I highly doubt any girl would ever wear her dress ever again, unless she dies young in which case, our last unit's reading informed me that people will often have their daughter buried in her dress with her hair and makeup done the same night as her Prom as it will be on her corpse. Maybe for a guy, the investment of a suit is worth it because they can wear it in future interviews but since they cost so much money, I would expect them to either borrow the suit or rent it. But all of this I think has to do with the fact that "this is the best night of our lives" - so why would any of us look at a price tag and think past the moment of that one night?
I'll be honest, compared to the rest of my peers, I probably don't know nearly as much as they do when it comes to what may or may not happen on a Prom night. I don't read magazines, especially not ones where pages are devoted to anything about Prom and I rarely watch movies that even mention prom. Off the top of my head, the only ones I can think of with a Prom Scene or focus are Back to the Future, Grease, the Virgin Suicides, Mean Girls, Prom Night (a horror film), and when I took my cousin to see Twilight for her birthday. All I really got out of those was that you needed a date, a nice dress, you'd probably get drunk and you'd either get made fun of for wearing a 'bad' dress or everyone would be annoying you with comments about how they didn't think or know you could look good. Of course, sitting on the 'bleachers' is an option but I don't see the point of even going if someone knew they were going to be one of these people. With these preconceived notions in mind and the fact that college is just around the corner, bringing with it oodles of loans and debt that are still hard to conceptualize, I would never be able to justify the price of a prom ticket costing more than $50. Even though my grandfather offered to pay for the complete cost of my ticket and any dress I wanted, that seems like a lot of money, too much money really. Add the fact that it's expected of girls to buy at least a new dress and that cost just higher.
A new dress and heels is something I can justify even less - what's wrong with clothes we might have hanging in our closets? I know even if I was going to prom, I have a black gothic looking dress with a high collar that I got for Christmas that I would wear. I think of the night in terms of cost per wear, Prom as a rule is a complete and total waste, especially for kids our age. I highly doubt any girl would ever wear her dress ever again, unless she dies young in which case, our last unit's reading informed me that people will often have their daughter buried in her dress with her hair and makeup done the same night as her Prom as it will be on her corpse. Maybe for a guy, the investment of a suit is worth it because they can wear it in future interviews but since they cost so much money, I would expect them to either borrow the suit or rent it. But all of this I think has to do with the fact that "this is the best night of our lives" - so why would any of us look at a price tag and think past the moment of that one night?
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
COTD extra credit: Harold and Maude
xc - COTD2. Watch "Harold & Maude" and write up 3-5 paragraphs analyzing the significance of the theme of funerals and death in the lives, practices, and beliefs of the three main characters.
Harold and Maude follows the struggle between a young man, Harold, with an extremely morbid sense of interests (Even after watching the movie, I'm not sure how to describe him other than bizarre and startling) and his conservative mother who constantly tries to straighten out his act. In the first half of the movie, funerals occur constantly as Harold introduces them as where he goes in his free time though this is never fully explained. Later on, after meeting Maude, he narrates a time when he nearly died at school and there was a mis-communication in which his mother was told about his death. She collapses into the arms of the police. Being dead, Harold tells Maude, is the best thing that he has ever felt and so, this maybe explains his constantly attempts at faking suicides in front of his mother to try and draw the same reaction from her. Instead, he only gains disgust and scorn from her, effectively distancing him further and further. For Harold, he sees death as a comfort that brings you closer to you family, even though you can no longer be with them. As the movie goes on, he comes off as jealous of the dead for how they get spoiled and lavished by their family, all completely sincerely, things that he never gets from his mother.
His mother has a strong contrast against Harold. She follows the rest of society today - death is a taboo and not meant to be discussed or even thought of. Even with all of the constant faked suicides of Harold, she never once considers going over a proper funeral with him or asking what he wants done with his body. Even in his death, it seems, she will control every aspect of him just like she tries to control the girls she sets him up with by filling out the personality survey for him. The constant scowls and remarks she directs at her son make it clear that she doesn't think that he's as sane as he should be, one of the reasons why she sends him to therapy. This perhaps reflects our own classes reactions to some of our guest speakers - the idea that someone could seem so comfortable around death seems obscene.
The last character, also comfortable with death, is Maude. Maude is constantly counting down her days and teasing Harold about living them out with her. She is the Morrie of the movie, only fictional. Vibrant and with a tendency to steal things from funerals, with little respect for the dead because she sees little value in them. There's nothing left.
Harold and Maude follows the struggle between a young man, Harold, with an extremely morbid sense of interests (Even after watching the movie, I'm not sure how to describe him other than bizarre and startling) and his conservative mother who constantly tries to straighten out his act. In the first half of the movie, funerals occur constantly as Harold introduces them as where he goes in his free time though this is never fully explained. Later on, after meeting Maude, he narrates a time when he nearly died at school and there was a mis-communication in which his mother was told about his death. She collapses into the arms of the police. Being dead, Harold tells Maude, is the best thing that he has ever felt and so, this maybe explains his constantly attempts at faking suicides in front of his mother to try and draw the same reaction from her. Instead, he only gains disgust and scorn from her, effectively distancing him further and further. For Harold, he sees death as a comfort that brings you closer to you family, even though you can no longer be with them. As the movie goes on, he comes off as jealous of the dead for how they get spoiled and lavished by their family, all completely sincerely, things that he never gets from his mother.
His mother has a strong contrast against Harold. She follows the rest of society today - death is a taboo and not meant to be discussed or even thought of. Even with all of the constant faked suicides of Harold, she never once considers going over a proper funeral with him or asking what he wants done with his body. Even in his death, it seems, she will control every aspect of him just like she tries to control the girls she sets him up with by filling out the personality survey for him. The constant scowls and remarks she directs at her son make it clear that she doesn't think that he's as sane as he should be, one of the reasons why she sends him to therapy. This perhaps reflects our own classes reactions to some of our guest speakers - the idea that someone could seem so comfortable around death seems obscene.
The last character, also comfortable with death, is Maude. Maude is constantly counting down her days and teasing Harold about living them out with her. She is the Morrie of the movie, only fictional. Vibrant and with a tendency to steal things from funerals, with little respect for the dead because she sees little value in them. There's nothing left.
COTD extra credit: visiting cemetary
The two cemeteries that I spent most of my time in are ones that most people take for granted and either do not consider or do not expect to be cemeteries. The first used to be a Seneca village dating from 1825 to 1857. But by the mid 19th century, however, less Natives more mixed minorities. An old census record from 1855 dates almost 300 people living in this village, situated in the middle of a popular and old city. After Andrew Jackson Downing advocated for a need for the city to have a large park like Paris' Bois de Boulogne in Paris or London's Hyde Park, a man named Fredrick Law Olmsted was put in charge of creating said park, to be located around and in this old village. The solution to forcing its inhabitants out? Drive them out by men on horseback, without care to who falls to trampling or sword. It's hard to believe, but Central Park in New York City is, in fact, a cemetery. Grave Matters: A Journey Through the Modern Funeral Industry to a Natural Way of Burial by Mark Harris defines a cemetery as location in which more than one body is buried. Additionally, no chapter in this book and no definition I have found ever states that a cemetery is one exclusively bound to human remains. If one cannot consider Central Park a cemetery from the sheer fact that it used to be an indigenous village in which bodies would need a place to be buried, than I can supply another fact that qualifies it as such: I can name half a dozen old friends or people I've met who have buried at least one pet in the park somewhere. With that in mind, I set fourth to spend my time in the area where the village used to be.
As it turns out, the area is more or less, close to where the reservoir is located. Out and about, I noticed many joggers and bicyclists perhaps practicing for some sort of event. As I walked around, I tried to look for some sort of sign or acknowledgment that the village had actually existed but, much to my disappointment, I found know. In fact, with everyone and the nature escape from the city, the blooming plants and flowers, I found even myself getting myself from the task at hand. My thoughts, though troubled by the each little sign on a bench I passed by starting with "In memory of..." and ending with some person I never knew and the fact that not one mentioned any of the various people who had once lived there, drifted instead to flowers and the birds. Knowing my camera was in my pocket, I began to wonder which combination of all of these things would lead way to a good photograph. In doing so, by accident, I came across one message on one of the benches that seemed to fit the lack of the message and respect for the old homes that used to stand somewhere in the area. What you hear here, stays here. Behind the bench and in the distance, under the trees, where too abandoned picnic benches and what did I hear? What would stay here? Nothing. No evidence that any of us had ever been here. Perfect. Considering that I was by myself and never figured out how to take a picture of myself with a camera, I don't have a picture of myself here.
The second cemetery I visited is one that I've been volunteering at for some time. It's also not a very conventional cemetery and has had various controversies surrounding it. The American Natural History Museum. Excluding the countless animal bodies there, numerous human bodies are not only on display but in the archives as well. An extended visit here I felt was relevant to the unit because it challenges the idea of continual care for the dead. While I can see the benefits of learning from the past, the deceased and dissections, I at still find myself at odds with the idea of displaying corpses for the public. Would I want my own family to have this happened to them, even generations down the road instead of whatever they personally have wanted? No. I know there's someone in my family who wants to become an organ donar and I'm against the idea because while I understand the benefits, I find it too invasive and believe that when you die, you need all of your pieces. During one of the days I was scheduled to teach during one of their A Night at the Museum Sleepovers, after my shift was over, I tried to figure out my answer to this dilemma. I would never want to be displayed but at the same time, after growing up going in and out of museums, I can't imagine not having access to the various bones and bodies of people and animals alike. Although, admittedly, the human remains in exhibits like the Egyptian sections have always creeped me out. After sleeping over in the museum, twice, I think find myself at this selfish odds with myself. Maybe at this point, it is better to just let whomever wants this done to them to let it be done to them. I'm not sure what should be done with bodies already on display.
The third and last funeral is one of the ones I went to for my final project. It was the one where I have my great some odd grandparents buried in. It's several hours away from the city. The two things I noticed the most about the cemetery that bothered me was firstly, how many of the headstones were broken and no one had even bothered to even lean them back in place. I remember being around seven or eight and overhearing the adults at funerals complain about 'rowdy teenagers' and their disrespect for the dead. At this cemetery, I couldn't help but feel the same for whomever ran it. In this unit, we learned that one of the fees family now has to pay is a maintenance fee - one that I assume should ensure that at least the marker of their loved one doesn't end up in shambles or when it does, that it isn't just left on the ground for so long that mold begins to grown over it. Additionally, there was trash all over the cemetery. Lighters I assume were left for once smokers but tissues, used juice boxes, boxes of cigarettes half shredded and soggy in the middle of a windy day.... It sure seemed to make a liar and mockery out of everyone in the funeral business who claimed that they actually cared about the strangers they were dealing with.
PHOTOS:
Second: click
Third: click
As it turns out, the area is more or less, close to where the reservoir is located. Out and about, I noticed many joggers and bicyclists perhaps practicing for some sort of event. As I walked around, I tried to look for some sort of sign or acknowledgment that the village had actually existed but, much to my disappointment, I found know. In fact, with everyone and the nature escape from the city, the blooming plants and flowers, I found even myself getting myself from the task at hand. My thoughts, though troubled by the each little sign on a bench I passed by starting with "In memory of..." and ending with some person I never knew and the fact that not one mentioned any of the various people who had once lived there, drifted instead to flowers and the birds. Knowing my camera was in my pocket, I began to wonder which combination of all of these things would lead way to a good photograph. In doing so, by accident, I came across one message on one of the benches that seemed to fit the lack of the message and respect for the old homes that used to stand somewhere in the area. What you hear here, stays here. Behind the bench and in the distance, under the trees, where too abandoned picnic benches and what did I hear? What would stay here? Nothing. No evidence that any of us had ever been here. Perfect. Considering that I was by myself and never figured out how to take a picture of myself with a camera, I don't have a picture of myself here.
The second cemetery I visited is one that I've been volunteering at for some time. It's also not a very conventional cemetery and has had various controversies surrounding it. The American Natural History Museum. Excluding the countless animal bodies there, numerous human bodies are not only on display but in the archives as well. An extended visit here I felt was relevant to the unit because it challenges the idea of continual care for the dead. While I can see the benefits of learning from the past, the deceased and dissections, I at still find myself at odds with the idea of displaying corpses for the public. Would I want my own family to have this happened to them, even generations down the road instead of whatever they personally have wanted? No. I know there's someone in my family who wants to become an organ donar and I'm against the idea because while I understand the benefits, I find it too invasive and believe that when you die, you need all of your pieces. During one of the days I was scheduled to teach during one of their A Night at the Museum Sleepovers, after my shift was over, I tried to figure out my answer to this dilemma. I would never want to be displayed but at the same time, after growing up going in and out of museums, I can't imagine not having access to the various bones and bodies of people and animals alike. Although, admittedly, the human remains in exhibits like the Egyptian sections have always creeped me out. After sleeping over in the museum, twice, I think find myself at this selfish odds with myself. Maybe at this point, it is better to just let whomever wants this done to them to let it be done to them. I'm not sure what should be done with bodies already on display.
The third and last funeral is one of the ones I went to for my final project. It was the one where I have my great some odd grandparents buried in. It's several hours away from the city. The two things I noticed the most about the cemetery that bothered me was firstly, how many of the headstones were broken and no one had even bothered to even lean them back in place. I remember being around seven or eight and overhearing the adults at funerals complain about 'rowdy teenagers' and their disrespect for the dead. At this cemetery, I couldn't help but feel the same for whomever ran it. In this unit, we learned that one of the fees family now has to pay is a maintenance fee - one that I assume should ensure that at least the marker of their loved one doesn't end up in shambles or when it does, that it isn't just left on the ground for so long that mold begins to grown over it. Additionally, there was trash all over the cemetery. Lighters I assume were left for once smokers but tissues, used juice boxes, boxes of cigarettes half shredded and soggy in the middle of a windy day.... It sure seemed to make a liar and mockery out of everyone in the funeral business who claimed that they actually cared about the strangers they were dealing with.
PHOTOS:
Second: click
Third: click
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
COTD ec: Poems
1) An Elegy upon the Death of the Dean of St. Paul's, Dr. John
Carew, Thomas. "Thomas Carew Poems." Famous Poets and Poems. famouspoetsandpoems.com, 2010. Web. 17 May 2011. <http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/thomas_carew/poems/6057.html>.
In this poem, Carew narrates the services of the deceased in a language and style most people today would find confusing, however, when looked carefully at, the style of burial doesn't terrible challenge the 'traditional' one we've been learning about in school. This includes the expected reactions from the attendees; in the first verse, the people attending the suggested mass are somber without a clear thought of their own. As the poem continues on, they fall into synch of murmuring prayers and songs that even Carew refers to as the "untun'd verse". When an instrument is tuned, it requires careful thought and listening to gain exactly what the musician desires.
2) When I am Dead, My Dearest
Rossetti, Christina. "Poems on Death, Dying and Grief." Allspirit. Khunu Rinpoche Tricycle, 1999. Web. 17 May 2011. <http://allspirit.co.uk/dying.html#dearest>.
Rossetti's poem is styled as a letter stating their requests of what they would like to be done after burial - absolutely nothing. The sense of crushing depression often affiliated with death isn't present at all, something rarely seen nowadays when death and funerals are brought up.
3) A Refusal to Mourn the Death, by Fire, of a Child in London
Thomas, Dylan. "A Refusal to Mourn the Death, by Fire, of a Child in London." Poets From the Academy of American Poets. Academy of American Poets, 1971. Web. 17 May 2011. <http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15381>.
Thomas' poem narrates a child watching the cremation of the mother, following with the scattering of the ashes at sea. Not only does burial service 'challenge' the traditional one we've learned about in school but it also combines two of the alternatives - a sea burial and cremation, both of which my assigned reading has quotations of children saying helped bring them closure in their parents death.
4) For the Union Dead
Lowell, Robert. "For the Union Dead." Poets From the Academy of American Poets. Academy of American Poets, 1964. Web. 17 May 2011.
Starting with a description of an aquarium for perhaps a comparison for the quality in which the dead were handled with during the same era that started the embalming trend still seen today, Lowell doesn't give us the standard burial we expect this time period to have produced from what we have been told. Instead, he writes of the (mass?) burials on battlefields, integrated cemeteries that led to the usage of embalming and falls back to the smell of rotting fish.
5) Kaddish, Part I
Ginsberg, Allen. "Kaddish, Part I." Poets From the Academy of American Poets. Academy of American Poets, 1984. Web. 17 May 2011. <http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15307>.
In this poem, Allen indirectly addresses a part of care of the dead more relative towards my final project for the unit - caring for them past the actual point of burial. Here, after or on the way to visiting his mother's grave, he stops and thinks of all of stories about her that he knows, obviously still considering her a valuable piece of the family. He has not locked her away - mind, memory and body - in a grave some place away but mentally cares for her by remembering.
6) Funeral Blues
Auden, Wystan Hugh . "Funeral Blues (Song IX / from Two Songs for Hedli Anderson)." Poetry Anthology. Unknown, 2005. Web. 17 May 2011. <http://www.wussu.com/poems/whafb.htm>.
Auden's poem gives a description of the foundation for the procession towards the cemetery/crematory; preparing for the procession. The time of mourning when the world seems to halt around you, if not for you, and even police escorts are available.
7) A Burial
Wilcox, Ella. "A Burial - a poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox ." Poetry Online. poetryonline.org.uk, 01 NOV 2003. Web. 17 May 2011. <http://www.poetry-online.org/wheeler_wilcox_a_burial.htm>.
Another alternative to the popular funeral services available in the country is that of a home funeral seen in Wilcox's poem that follows a widow reflecting on their now lost used. However, contrary to what the material we've been given has told us, the deep meaningful experience doesn't seem to be found as the sense of closure isn't apparent either, in fact, the widowed woman finds herself suicidal in the end.
8) Battle Hymn of the Republic
Howe, Julia. "Battle Hymn of the Republic a poem by Julia Ward Howe ." Poetry Online. poetryonline.org.uk, 01 NOV 2003. Web. 17 May 2011. <http://www.poetry-online.org/wheeler_wilcox_a_burial.htmhttp://www.poetry-online.org/howe_battle_hymn_of_the_republic_war_ins_christ_rel.htm>.
We've all heard Howe's poem sung before, even in passing. In this, the presence of Church and God in the services and passing of the dead seem like requirement for the dead to have truly been cared for. By the implied repetition of the world continuing on without the deceased, it can also be implied that the care for the dead should halt at the point of burial
9) An Ode, On the Death of Mr. Henry Purcell
Dryden, John. "An Ode, On the Death of Mr. Henry Purcell a poem by John Dryden." Poetry Online. poetryonline.org.uk, 01 NOV 2003. Web. 17 May 2011. <http://www.poetry-online.org/dryden_an_ode_death_henry_purcell.htm>.
In the very first verse, Dryden gives a new addition to either a standard or alternative burial method and service: a memorial party. "They cease their mutual spite / Drink in her Music with delight." Here, he presents the idea that death does not have to be tragic but can bring us together - an idea similar to that found in funerals in Ghana.
10) A Special Mom
Osman, Kelly. "A Special Mom." Family Friend Poems. Kelley D. Osman , 08 Sep 2004. Web. 18 May 2011. <http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/death/poetry.asp?poem=2320>.
Mostly an ode and reflection on the mother, Osman's poem brings about another aspect of care of the dead that isn't always considered caring for the dead: remembering them and embracing those memories during daily life. Additionally, mentions of a burial among other family members is addressed and additional family cemetery plots are also addressed. It doesn't challenge the idea of the popular funeral/burial services we've studied but instead expanded on them.
11) Remember Me
Higgginbotham, Amanda. "Remember Me." Family Friend Poems. Kelley D. Osman , 2011. Web. 18 May 2011. <http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/death/poetry.asp?poem=421>.
Hidden under the author's desire not to have to let go of their cousin and to their believe, return them to God, a wake or Church service in which the body is on display is what a reader can observe here. This presumably Christian or Christian-esque funeral is almost exactly what one would expect to see when observing the average funeral today in America. While it doesn't challenge the dominant discourse, it brings up another possible aspect to look at: is the involvement of a religious figure or establishment required to put the dead at rest?
12) Life Without Daddy
"Life Without Daddy." Family Friend Poems. Sara, 2011. Web. 18 May 2011. <http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/death/poetry.asp?poem=18937>.
Though coping with the death itself is a large aspect of the poem, it addresses several points we learned about in this unit. Firstly, the burial - the child's confusion in why is their father getting put in the ground. It takes them years to understand that their father is dead, something that "A Family Undertaking" argues is why home burials should be pushed for. There is no sudden absence of the loved one, the family can (supposedly) truly have time to come to terms with it all.
13) Just Baby Sitting
Denvir , Savannah. "Just Baby Sitting." Family Friend Poems. Savannah Denvir , 2011. Web. 18 May 2011. <http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/death/poetry.asp?poem=19145>.
The spiritual aspect of the care of the dead, for once, not put in the hands of the family put in the God that the family believes in. In Denvir's poem, she writes the requests the exact care of her young son she would like to see, all the tenderness she desires for him
14) Lowering Your Coffin
Park, Rachel. "Lowering Your Coffin." Family Friend Poems. Savannah Denvir , 2011. Web. 18 May 2011. <http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/death/poetry.asp?poem=24232>.
Not challenging to the social norms we've learned about in the least but worth noting all the same because of the questions it raises: should we have anything emotionally to do with the care of the dead? Should we do or not do something to provide ourselves with more closure rather than go along with what they intended or we know they would have preferred?
15) Alzheimer's
Underwood, Dick. "Alzheimer's ." Funeral Poems: Funeral poem and eulogy resources. Funeral Poems, 2010. Web. 18 May 2011. <http://www.funeral-poems.net/funeral-poem/alzheimers>.
Though it has nothing directly to do with handling the dead, no alternatives to 'traditional' burials, I would argue that Underwood's poem definitely revolves around care of the dead. It's written to describe the degradation of the body and life when someone suffers from Alzheimer's and is meant to be read aloud at whatever service the family has if that was the cause of death for the deceased. It's significant and relevant because I've noticed that what families try to do is do whatever a service they feel the person would have liked the best. Would someone died from an illness really have wanted it mentioned at all? Would they have wanted it mentioned in this way but not as it having killed them?
Carew, Thomas. "Thomas Carew Poems." Famous Poets and Poems. famouspoetsandpoems.com, 2010. Web. 17 May 2011. <http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/thomas_carew/poems/6057.html>.
In this poem, Carew narrates the services of the deceased in a language and style most people today would find confusing, however, when looked carefully at, the style of burial doesn't terrible challenge the 'traditional' one we've been learning about in school. This includes the expected reactions from the attendees; in the first verse, the people attending the suggested mass are somber without a clear thought of their own. As the poem continues on, they fall into synch of murmuring prayers and songs that even Carew refers to as the "untun'd verse". When an instrument is tuned, it requires careful thought and listening to gain exactly what the musician desires.
2) When I am Dead, My Dearest
Rossetti, Christina. "Poems on Death, Dying and Grief." Allspirit. Khunu Rinpoche Tricycle, 1999. Web. 17 May 2011. <http://allspirit.co.uk/dying.html#dearest>.
Rossetti's poem is styled as a letter stating their requests of what they would like to be done after burial - absolutely nothing. The sense of crushing depression often affiliated with death isn't present at all, something rarely seen nowadays when death and funerals are brought up.
3) A Refusal to Mourn the Death, by Fire, of a Child in London
Thomas, Dylan. "A Refusal to Mourn the Death, by Fire, of a Child in London." Poets From the Academy of American Poets. Academy of American Poets, 1971. Web. 17 May 2011. <http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15381>.
Thomas' poem narrates a child watching the cremation of the mother, following with the scattering of the ashes at sea. Not only does burial service 'challenge' the traditional one we've learned about in school but it also combines two of the alternatives - a sea burial and cremation, both of which my assigned reading has quotations of children saying helped bring them closure in their parents death.
4) For the Union Dead
Lowell, Robert. "For the Union Dead." Poets From the Academy of American Poets. Academy of American Poets, 1964. Web. 17 May 2011.
Starting with a description of an aquarium for perhaps a comparison for the quality in which the dead were handled with during the same era that started the embalming trend still seen today, Lowell doesn't give us the standard burial we expect this time period to have produced from what we have been told. Instead, he writes of the (mass?) burials on battlefields, integrated cemeteries that led to the usage of embalming and falls back to the smell of rotting fish.
5) Kaddish, Part I
Ginsberg, Allen. "Kaddish, Part I." Poets From the Academy of American Poets. Academy of American Poets, 1984. Web. 17 May 2011. <http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15307>.
In this poem, Allen indirectly addresses a part of care of the dead more relative towards my final project for the unit - caring for them past the actual point of burial. Here, after or on the way to visiting his mother's grave, he stops and thinks of all of stories about her that he knows, obviously still considering her a valuable piece of the family. He has not locked her away - mind, memory and body - in a grave some place away but mentally cares for her by remembering.
6) Funeral Blues
Auden, Wystan Hugh . "Funeral Blues (Song IX / from Two Songs for Hedli Anderson)." Poetry Anthology. Unknown, 2005. Web. 17 May 2011. <http://www.wussu.com/poems/whafb.htm>.
Auden's poem gives a description of the foundation for the procession towards the cemetery/crematory; preparing for the procession. The time of mourning when the world seems to halt around you, if not for you, and even police escorts are available.
7) A Burial
Wilcox, Ella. "A Burial - a poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox ." Poetry Online. poetryonline.org.uk, 01 NOV 2003. Web. 17 May 2011. <http://www.poetry-online.org/wheeler_wilcox_a_burial.htm>.
Another alternative to the popular funeral services available in the country is that of a home funeral seen in Wilcox's poem that follows a widow reflecting on their now lost used. However, contrary to what the material we've been given has told us, the deep meaningful experience doesn't seem to be found as the sense of closure isn't apparent either, in fact, the widowed woman finds herself suicidal in the end.
8) Battle Hymn of the Republic
Howe, Julia. "Battle Hymn of the Republic a poem by Julia Ward Howe ." Poetry Online. poetryonline.org.uk, 01 NOV 2003. Web. 17 May 2011. <http://www.poetry-online.org/wheeler_wilcox_a_burial.htmhttp://www.poetry-online.org/howe_battle_hymn_of_the_republic_war_ins_christ_rel.htm>.
We've all heard Howe's poem sung before, even in passing. In this, the presence of Church and God in the services and passing of the dead seem like requirement for the dead to have truly been cared for. By the implied repetition of the world continuing on without the deceased, it can also be implied that the care for the dead should halt at the point of burial
9) An Ode, On the Death of Mr. Henry Purcell
Dryden, John. "An Ode, On the Death of Mr. Henry Purcell a poem by John Dryden." Poetry Online. poetryonline.org.uk, 01 NOV 2003. Web. 17 May 2011. <http://www.poetry-online.org/dryden_an_ode_death_henry_purcell.htm>.
In the very first verse, Dryden gives a new addition to either a standard or alternative burial method and service: a memorial party. "They cease their mutual spite / Drink in her Music with delight." Here, he presents the idea that death does not have to be tragic but can bring us together - an idea similar to that found in funerals in Ghana.
10) A Special Mom
Osman, Kelly. "A Special Mom." Family Friend Poems. Kelley D. Osman , 08 Sep 2004. Web. 18 May 2011. <http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/death/poetry.asp?poem=2320>.
Mostly an ode and reflection on the mother, Osman's poem brings about another aspect of care of the dead that isn't always considered caring for the dead: remembering them and embracing those memories during daily life. Additionally, mentions of a burial among other family members is addressed and additional family cemetery plots are also addressed. It doesn't challenge the idea of the popular funeral/burial services we've studied but instead expanded on them.
11) Remember Me
Higgginbotham, Amanda. "Remember Me." Family Friend Poems. Kelley D. Osman , 2011. Web. 18 May 2011. <http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/death/poetry.asp?poem=421>.
Hidden under the author's desire not to have to let go of their cousin and to their believe, return them to God, a wake or Church service in which the body is on display is what a reader can observe here. This presumably Christian or Christian-esque funeral is almost exactly what one would expect to see when observing the average funeral today in America. While it doesn't challenge the dominant discourse, it brings up another possible aspect to look at: is the involvement of a religious figure or establishment required to put the dead at rest?
12) Life Without Daddy
"Life Without Daddy." Family Friend Poems. Sara, 2011. Web. 18 May 2011. <http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/death/poetry.asp?poem=18937>.
Though coping with the death itself is a large aspect of the poem, it addresses several points we learned about in this unit. Firstly, the burial - the child's confusion in why is their father getting put in the ground. It takes them years to understand that their father is dead, something that "A Family Undertaking" argues is why home burials should be pushed for. There is no sudden absence of the loved one, the family can (supposedly) truly have time to come to terms with it all.
13) Just Baby Sitting
Denvir , Savannah. "Just Baby Sitting." Family Friend Poems. Savannah Denvir , 2011. Web. 18 May 2011. <http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/death/poetry.asp?poem=19145>.
The spiritual aspect of the care of the dead, for once, not put in the hands of the family put in the God that the family believes in. In Denvir's poem, she writes the requests the exact care of her young son she would like to see, all the tenderness she desires for him
14) Lowering Your Coffin
Park, Rachel. "Lowering Your Coffin." Family Friend Poems. Savannah Denvir , 2011. Web. 18 May 2011. <http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/death/poetry.asp?poem=24232>.
Not challenging to the social norms we've learned about in the least but worth noting all the same because of the questions it raises: should we have anything emotionally to do with the care of the dead? Should we do or not do something to provide ourselves with more closure rather than go along with what they intended or we know they would have preferred?
15) Alzheimer's
Underwood, Dick. "Alzheimer's ." Funeral Poems: Funeral poem and eulogy resources. Funeral Poems, 2010. Web. 18 May 2011. <http://www.funeral-poems.net/funeral-poem/alzheimers>.
Though it has nothing directly to do with handling the dead, no alternatives to 'traditional' burials, I would argue that Underwood's poem definitely revolves around care of the dead. It's written to describe the degradation of the body and life when someone suffers from Alzheimer's and is meant to be read aloud at whatever service the family has if that was the cause of death for the deceased. It's significant and relevant because I've noticed that what families try to do is do whatever a service they feel the person would have liked the best. Would someone died from an illness really have wanted it mentioned at all? Would they have wanted it mentioned in this way but not as it having killed them?
comments
For David's Post: click
When you first presented this in class I was unsure what you meant by a funeral director being required to "handle" the human remains. For me, this seemed a little alarming as it seemed to imply that there was a chance for some director to still argue that the body had to be embalmed for the sake of being preserved during transportation and showing. However, after reading the full version of your project, I'm still a little confused. Are they literally required to handle the remains, meaning, be in charge of the transportation, or are families still expected to blindly pass off the deceased? A little more clarification on this would have made the post easier to follow.
As for my own opinion, I don't feel like the presence of a funeral director - provided their role was purely for supervision - would defeat the purpose of the home funeral. From what you've provided us with, the families are still at charge and there's nothing to suggest that the director may respectfully step aside or chose to murmur, "I'm sorry for your loss" just like any other person the family might talk to would say.
For Leah's Post: click
First off, I really like how you tied this into your last project for the Birth Unit. Many people agree that death and life are highly relative and yet, so many people don't like speaking or witnessing death rituals. That idea that you've followed in discussing this seems to follow along with the idea of the course very nicely.
Also, in class, you said that "money doesn't matter" in terms of the funeral and here you said that a family uses their own materials. From this I gather that it's safe to assume that a family doesn't feel the pressure to buy or create some standard, fantastic coffin/casket for the decease to outdo everyone else. Interesting.
When you first presented this in class I was unsure what you meant by a funeral director being required to "handle" the human remains. For me, this seemed a little alarming as it seemed to imply that there was a chance for some director to still argue that the body had to be embalmed for the sake of being preserved during transportation and showing. However, after reading the full version of your project, I'm still a little confused. Are they literally required to handle the remains, meaning, be in charge of the transportation, or are families still expected to blindly pass off the deceased? A little more clarification on this would have made the post easier to follow.
As for my own opinion, I don't feel like the presence of a funeral director - provided their role was purely for supervision - would defeat the purpose of the home funeral. From what you've provided us with, the families are still at charge and there's nothing to suggest that the director may respectfully step aside or chose to murmur, "I'm sorry for your loss" just like any other person the family might talk to would say.
For Leah's Post: click
First off, I really like how you tied this into your last project for the Birth Unit. Many people agree that death and life are highly relative and yet, so many people don't like speaking or witnessing death rituals. That idea that you've followed in discussing this seems to follow along with the idea of the course very nicely.
Also, in class, you said that "money doesn't matter" in terms of the funeral and here you said that a family uses their own materials. From this I gather that it's safe to assume that a family doesn't feel the pressure to buy or create some standard, fantastic coffin/casket for the decease to outdo everyone else. Interesting.
Monday, May 16, 2011
COTD Final Project
According to every book we have read and every documentary we have seen so far in this unit, the care of the dead ends after the burial or service. I beg to differ. For my final project for this unit, I went to three cemeteries to observe and document if care of the dead truly stopped after a body had been laid to rest within its final resting place or not. The first cemetery I visited was one dating back to the 18th and 19th century, the second one was a small cemetery, mostly with burial dates halting after the fifties and the third was a larger one where new plots are still being sold and used.
In the first cemetery I went to, the one dating from the 1700s-1800s, I honestly didn't realize was a cemetery. I've driven past it countless times and never even noticed it. The reason was apparent as soon as I stepped inside. Even though there was a small stone fence surrounding it, there were barely half a dozen headstones there. Of these headstones, only one was large enough for me to recognize right off the bat what it was. (The others, I realized their purpose after spotting the first.) The words etched in were so worn by weather and the elements faced over the years, the only things I could make out was the year of death was 1859 and the person was "aged 69 years". The headstone was perhaps a foot tall at most and half a foot find, a flat and smooth rectangle. Others were half its sized and usually curved at its top. My mother assured me that when she used to come to the cemetery, more headstones were there, but the area has been known to have theft issues for stone walls and fences. Considering that I had to kneel right in front of the barely legible headstone and squint to make out the words under the tree-cover, it wouldn't shock me if someone didn't even realize what they were taking from the cemetery or that they had even stepped foot in a cemetery. In terms of care of the dead past burial, there wasn't any evidence left for me to see. However, given the dates I have to go by, I would 'blame' that on either families dying out or moving too far away.
The second cemetery consisted of two parts. An older section where most of the graves were marked from the 1800s and a newer one where most were dated from prohibition onward, with multiple World War veterans. As a rule, even though the family that used to run the cemetery have all died, all the veterans still had a holder or plaque to designate their service and a place for an American flag. Most vets had American flags, fresh and clean, beside their graves, but no flowers. The only flowers I found in the newer side of the cemetery belonged to someone who had died in 2000 and there was a broken plastic cup as well as other minor litter around it. This was considerably absent from other, older graves but I considered it out of place and shocking as this grave was clearly the one that had been visited the most recently, judging by the flowers freshly dug into it. In the older section of the cemetery, I noticed the main problem seemed to be broken headstones. I realize that there probably isn't anything that could protect a headstone from the elements, however, nearly every other headstone that wasn't made of the material that looked like granite was cracked in half and haphazardly propped against its other half.
This and the litter problem I noticed much more abundantly at the larger cemetery I went to. Discarded candy wrappers, plastic, dirtied tissues and lighters. The latter I assumed belonged to the graves of avid, prideful smokers. In this cemetery, flowers and bushes were abundant, however, they were out of control and many, I noticed, covered over entire graves and perhaps even the headstones of strangers. Families now are required to pay a maintenance fee of sorts but after my visits, I doubt this money is being put to use. In this cemetery, headstones were often just left on the ground in pieces, decorative plants weren't controlled at all and had grown to the point where other families might not even be able to find their loved ones. After asking my mother about this particular cemetery, since we have family buried there, she noted that when she called inquiring their location once, she was told to wait a week before visiting so that the cemetery's workers could clean and mow that specific section - meaning that as a whole, the cemetery isn't maintained as often as that monthly or "lifetime" fee implies.
Care of the dead, it would seem, for our society, as a whole, tends to end a few years after the deceased has been buried. Veterans are only remembered on Memorial and Veterans' Day when flags were placed beside their grave. Children or young adults were some of the few who had flowers but past ten years after the burial, at least on my day of visitation, there was little or no evidence of the family being there. Is the care of our dead only relative to our grieving process? Is that too selfish of a way for us to think - only in this moment and to shove away this 'taboo' even instead of remembering the deceased like other cultures, especially in Mexico for Dia de los Muertos, do? At what point do the deceased ceased to become a significant or worthwhile aspect to our family?
In the first cemetery I went to, the one dating from the 1700s-1800s, I honestly didn't realize was a cemetery. I've driven past it countless times and never even noticed it. The reason was apparent as soon as I stepped inside. Even though there was a small stone fence surrounding it, there were barely half a dozen headstones there. Of these headstones, only one was large enough for me to recognize right off the bat what it was. (The others, I realized their purpose after spotting the first.) The words etched in were so worn by weather and the elements faced over the years, the only things I could make out was the year of death was 1859 and the person was "aged 69 years". The headstone was perhaps a foot tall at most and half a foot find, a flat and smooth rectangle. Others were half its sized and usually curved at its top. My mother assured me that when she used to come to the cemetery, more headstones were there, but the area has been known to have theft issues for stone walls and fences. Considering that I had to kneel right in front of the barely legible headstone and squint to make out the words under the tree-cover, it wouldn't shock me if someone didn't even realize what they were taking from the cemetery or that they had even stepped foot in a cemetery. In terms of care of the dead past burial, there wasn't any evidence left for me to see. However, given the dates I have to go by, I would 'blame' that on either families dying out or moving too far away.
The second cemetery consisted of two parts. An older section where most of the graves were marked from the 1800s and a newer one where most were dated from prohibition onward, with multiple World War veterans. As a rule, even though the family that used to run the cemetery have all died, all the veterans still had a holder or plaque to designate their service and a place for an American flag. Most vets had American flags, fresh and clean, beside their graves, but no flowers. The only flowers I found in the newer side of the cemetery belonged to someone who had died in 2000 and there was a broken plastic cup as well as other minor litter around it. This was considerably absent from other, older graves but I considered it out of place and shocking as this grave was clearly the one that had been visited the most recently, judging by the flowers freshly dug into it. In the older section of the cemetery, I noticed the main problem seemed to be broken headstones. I realize that there probably isn't anything that could protect a headstone from the elements, however, nearly every other headstone that wasn't made of the material that looked like granite was cracked in half and haphazardly propped against its other half.
This and the litter problem I noticed much more abundantly at the larger cemetery I went to. Discarded candy wrappers, plastic, dirtied tissues and lighters. The latter I assumed belonged to the graves of avid, prideful smokers. In this cemetery, flowers and bushes were abundant, however, they were out of control and many, I noticed, covered over entire graves and perhaps even the headstones of strangers. Families now are required to pay a maintenance fee of sorts but after my visits, I doubt this money is being put to use. In this cemetery, headstones were often just left on the ground in pieces, decorative plants weren't controlled at all and had grown to the point where other families might not even be able to find their loved ones. After asking my mother about this particular cemetery, since we have family buried there, she noted that when she called inquiring their location once, she was told to wait a week before visiting so that the cemetery's workers could clean and mow that specific section - meaning that as a whole, the cemetery isn't maintained as often as that monthly or "lifetime" fee implies.
Care of the dead, it would seem, for our society, as a whole, tends to end a few years after the deceased has been buried. Veterans are only remembered on Memorial and Veterans' Day when flags were placed beside their grave. Children or young adults were some of the few who had flowers but past ten years after the burial, at least on my day of visitation, there was little or no evidence of the family being there. Is the care of our dead only relative to our grieving process? Is that too selfish of a way for us to think - only in this moment and to shove away this 'taboo' even instead of remembering the deceased like other cultures, especially in Mexico for Dia de los Muertos, do? At what point do the deceased ceased to become a significant or worthwhile aspect to our family?
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
hw 53
Article one: Dance, Laugh, Drink. Save the Date: It’s a Ghanaian Funeral.
Going to the New York Times, I expected to hear either statistics for mainstream practices about what is considered a standard funeral, including embalming and ridiculously high expenses, or a focus on one of the alternatives we've heard about in school and, "Gee, isn't this strange but still available." Instead, I wound up finding something similar to the believes of my own family. While the death itself isn't the be celebrated, the life of the deceased certainly is something to be cherished. Reading through the article, I still expected the family to mention how much of a cost was saved because of perhaps avoiding some of the 'tricks' a funeral director might present (cheaper caskets in bad colors, for examples). Instead, the family cited that no expense was to be spared. In fact, the funeral parties are considered competitive, not that unlike the idea that some families have about, "If I don't spend 'enough', I won't look like I loved and respect them."
Article two: Daily Life in the Business of Death
Straight to the point, this article address how the Death Care Industry has so many problems, "We shun it [death and the care of the dead] until we are forced by circumstance to confront it."If something goes unspoken then we consider it a taboo. In our society, it's no wonder that when suddenly a person, even a stranger, is brought to us (or we get sent to) and reassures us not to worry because they can take care of it. We won't have to worry, we won't have to see anything that isn't pretty. The unknown can remain unknown. This idea of ignorance is bliss is challenged by each of the photos shown here. Take the photo of a lift used to move a body. There's no human contact at all, likely for sanitary reasons, but it forces a family and individual to think - do I want that to happen to me? My parents? My child?
Going to the New York Times, I expected to hear either statistics for mainstream practices about what is considered a standard funeral, including embalming and ridiculously high expenses, or a focus on one of the alternatives we've heard about in school and, "Gee, isn't this strange but still available." Instead, I wound up finding something similar to the believes of my own family. While the death itself isn't the be celebrated, the life of the deceased certainly is something to be cherished. Reading through the article, I still expected the family to mention how much of a cost was saved because of perhaps avoiding some of the 'tricks' a funeral director might present (cheaper caskets in bad colors, for examples). Instead, the family cited that no expense was to be spared. In fact, the funeral parties are considered competitive, not that unlike the idea that some families have about, "If I don't spend 'enough', I won't look like I loved and respect them."
Article two: Daily Life in the Business of Death
Straight to the point, this article address how the Death Care Industry has so many problems, "We shun it [death and the care of the dead] until we are forced by circumstance to confront it."If something goes unspoken then we consider it a taboo. In our society, it's no wonder that when suddenly a person, even a stranger, is brought to us (or we get sent to) and reassures us not to worry because they can take care of it. We won't have to worry, we won't have to see anything that isn't pretty. The unknown can remain unknown. This idea of ignorance is bliss is challenged by each of the photos shown here. Take the photo of a lift used to move a body. There's no human contact at all, likely for sanitary reasons, but it forces a family and individual to think - do I want that to happen to me? My parents? My child?
Monday, May 9, 2011
Last third of COTD book
precis: Further alternatives are available that do not involve embalming and turning your loved one into 'something else', including home burials and 'natural' burials.
Interesting Quotes:
Still, I think my book has lacked something entirely. While all these options are fine and dandy in theory, while they each may bring closure, I found that the books lack of how to better a standard funeral without choosing one of these alternatives disappointing. I feel like if the author had included the questions a family should ask to get what they desire, key phrases they should use, it would be more beneficial to the reader. Again, though, this is only because I feel that a family should be able to do whatever brings them the most closure. If a 'standard' but cleaner funeral is what will give them that, they should still be allowed to do it.
Interesting Quotes:
- "The body is often beautiful that first day. By the third day, the deceased begins to look like an empty shell. and it is often at that point a family may be ready to let go." - page 110
- "The whole feeling that we were giving a gift to Mary, and while there were practical matters to consider, we're doing this slowly and reverently in honor of her." - page 111
- "The coffins of the common folk were generally fashioned from pine... for more affluent customers, he might use one of the richer-grained hardwoods like walnut, chestnut and sometimes mahogany imported from Cuba, polished to a high sheen." - page 134
Still, I think my book has lacked something entirely. While all these options are fine and dandy in theory, while they each may bring closure, I found that the books lack of how to better a standard funeral without choosing one of these alternatives disappointing. I feel like if the author had included the questions a family should ask to get what they desire, key phrases they should use, it would be more beneficial to the reader. Again, though, this is only because I feel that a family should be able to do whatever brings them the most closure. If a 'standard' but cleaner funeral is what will give them that, they should still be allowed to do it.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
COTD Book 2/3
Precis: At sea burials, for both sailors and non-veterans, as well as turning the ashes of the deceased can provide better closure for families at less of a risk and more of a benefit for the enviorment.
Quotes:
The span of these few chapters covered a variety of material. Something that I found odd was that, when speaking of cremation, the book doubled back to mentioning a traditional burial. In the middle of doing so, it brought up the constant reminder the coffin making companies stress; no matter what, all bodies will decompose eventually. I found this odd to be placed in more cremated orientated chapters but I suppose it can fit. When one comes in to cremate a loved one, they are asked to provide a container of sorts for the sake of privacy out of respect for the families and dead. Still, I found it down right ridiculous that anyone would possibly think a body wouldn't decompose once it had died. Furthermore, I thought it strange that the cremation groups had to get families to sign off on a paper saying that they understood why pacemakers and joint replacements had to be replaced for safety precautions. To me, while the machine clearly was a part of the deceased, I don't think there should be a reason for them to be valued the same as a literal, functioning, flesh part of the body. I would rather see these pieces donated or reused somehow than put to waste in a mass burial like the group on page 63 described. To me, by them dumping all these pieces in a mass burial site once a year is hypocritical, if they value these pieces so much than anonomously putting them into a specific cemetary mass burial is nothing more than a glorified landfill.
Quotes:
- It's hard to celebrate someone's life when his dead body is sitting there in the room. It's the big pink elephant you just can't get around (page 49)
- The grief of losing a parent adored was mixed with the solace of knowing that the woman who suffered such mental and emotion turmoil in her final years had died quietly in her sleep and was now, at last, at peace. (page 50)
- The pieces of metal were once part of a living person. We don't throw them away like they were garbage. (page 63)
- I was overcome with this huge, profound feeling of release. I still felt the loss of my father, but scattering the ashes took away that crushing grief. It was almost like, 'It's OK now.' (page 72)
- If the person you want to bury at sea is active-duty, onetime, or retired military of any branch of service, (not dishonorably discharged).... (pg 84)
- Place memorial reefs near beach attractions and families are more likely to come bacl and remember their loved ones. (pg 92)
The span of these few chapters covered a variety of material. Something that I found odd was that, when speaking of cremation, the book doubled back to mentioning a traditional burial. In the middle of doing so, it brought up the constant reminder the coffin making companies stress; no matter what, all bodies will decompose eventually. I found this odd to be placed in more cremated orientated chapters but I suppose it can fit. When one comes in to cremate a loved one, they are asked to provide a container of sorts for the sake of privacy out of respect for the families and dead. Still, I found it down right ridiculous that anyone would possibly think a body wouldn't decompose once it had died. Furthermore, I thought it strange that the cremation groups had to get families to sign off on a paper saying that they understood why pacemakers and joint replacements had to be replaced for safety precautions. To me, while the machine clearly was a part of the deceased, I don't think there should be a reason for them to be valued the same as a literal, functioning, flesh part of the body. I would rather see these pieces donated or reused somehow than put to waste in a mass burial like the group on page 63 described. To me, by them dumping all these pieces in a mass burial site once a year is hypocritical, if they value these pieces so much than anonomously putting them into a specific cemetary mass burial is nothing more than a glorified landfill.
Monday, May 2, 2011
COTD Book 1/3
Book: Grave Matters: A Journey Through the Modern Funeral Industry to a Natural Way of Burial
precis: A traditional funeral includes many hidden fees, at ridiculous rates, that the typical American family will often not think twice about due to a lack of explaination in complete and total laments terms from the funeral director. Additionally, certain procedures during the embalming process will be preformed (for the safety of the embalmer) that families may object to should they have known.
Interesting Quotes:
precis: A traditional funeral includes many hidden fees, at ridiculous rates, that the typical American family will often not think twice about due to a lack of explaination in complete and total laments terms from the funeral director. Additionally, certain procedures during the embalming process will be preformed (for the safety of the embalmer) that families may object to should they have known.
Interesting Quotes:
- Show me the manner in which a nation cares for its dead, and I will measure with mathematical exactness the tender mercies of its people... (William Gladstone. Page 7)
- The average funeral in America runs to $10,000, accounting for one of the single most expensive purchases a family will make in its lifetime. (page 10)
- So before bending and flexing her limbs stiffening with rigor mortis, Fielding takes a pair of packing forceps and pushes wads of cotton soaked inphenol into Jenny's anus and vagina.
While I can’t prove that I read the text, I can certainly speak for patterns I noticed out of it. Overall, it read as very reattached when it described Mr. Fielding, funeral director, and his procedure for embalming Jenny. There was no mention of a third party witnessing this, which I found odd. Usually there’s mention of who was there as the outsider, their background and their personal opinions of what a shock they were seeing was. Often, I consider a good paragraph to be devoted to bragging about credentials that made no sense in the new setting. This is completely absent in the first story of Grave Matters. Later, in a book talk, Jay brought up the possible reason (I haven’t looked it up to confirm it) the scenario is entirely fake. There is no Jenny. No Mr. Fielding. The scenario is merely what can be expected to be observed, based off “extensive research”, as noted in the preface I admittedly skipped. To me, this bring up a disheartening question; then why bother reading the book? Fabricating a story, no matter how close to the truth, is still a lie in of itself. Why should we as readers trust anyone who is unable to provide us with all of the facts and actual examples of them?
comments
As of Monday the first, the student I was paired with has yet to post for a break assignment.
As of 9:15 PM. No comments were received. Bugging everyone. Asking another friend right now to read through the peer interviews.
As of 9:15 PM. No comments were received. Bugging everyone. Asking another friend right now to read through the peer interviews.
Family thoughts on care for the death
With my mother busied by several projects for a museum and father fixing troubles at work, for the start of this unit, I turned to my nine years younger brother yet again for his thoughts and opinions. As a child, even he admits that death isn't something he often thinks about and even less so is care for the deceased. At first, he was confused with what I meant by "How do you think the dead people should be cared for?" In return, he frowned in confused and tilted his head. "How can you care for someone who isn't alive to get care?" he asked back. I rephrased my question and asked how he thought the bodies should be treated. From then on, the conversation was either. "With respect," was the first thing out of his mouth. "Don't break them or drop them. They're someone's family. Treat them like they were yours." I asked him if there was ever a case where one body should be treated differently from another. Respect came up again but he allowed himself to build on his thoughts saying that soldiers and veterans should be allowed a funeral that honored their service to their country. I can't account for the majority of the country but I know at least he was aware of this option because of the militarized presence in the funeral of our great-grandfather who served in World War Two and Korea, in which our cousin who was recently on leave from the middle East played a part in.
"Bad people should be remembered as bad," he added at some point, following a silence. "It's different from when you bury a child and when you bury a bad guy." What qualified someone as a being bad, he couldn't quite define. This was understandable to me. Already I consider him to be worldly for his age, even before this discussion, because he is always bringing outside, unselfish elements into discussions. If someone was bad, he later explained, it wouldn't be fair to whomever they had wronged to be treated the same as a "good guy". Even with though it was toned down and reminiscent of an old Marvel or DC comic good versus evil discussion, I find it immensely interesting that he was already starting to gain his own thoughts and opinions on a topic that adults today still argue about. Some cultures see not getting buried as unjust, wrong, or plain inappropriate. I think that as a whole, America falls somewhere in the middle. Getting cremated doesn't seem to be scandalous but it certainly isn't expected.
Additionally, I've noticed that once cremated, the family or next of kin doesn't always abide whatever further wishes the deceased had wanted. When my great-grandmother was cremated, as requested, I saw nothing wrong with it and nothing particularly interesting either (although I remembering giggling at the idea that was getting whispered around the funeral that the ashes would be divided amongst her children, "What if you got ash that was really just coffin? Wouldn't that suck?"). I do remember though that my aunt held onto the urn with her remains. This is what I believe the norm is cremations - keep the remains and leave them somewhere presentable. It wasn't until recently, the reason for adding in this last line, that I discovered that apparently, my great-grandmother wanted to be scattered in the backyard, beneath a certain tree - not trapped in an urn.
"Bad people should be remembered as bad," he added at some point, following a silence. "It's different from when you bury a child and when you bury a bad guy." What qualified someone as a being bad, he couldn't quite define. This was understandable to me. Already I consider him to be worldly for his age, even before this discussion, because he is always bringing outside, unselfish elements into discussions. If someone was bad, he later explained, it wouldn't be fair to whomever they had wronged to be treated the same as a "good guy". Even with though it was toned down and reminiscent of an old Marvel or DC comic good versus evil discussion, I find it immensely interesting that he was already starting to gain his own thoughts and opinions on a topic that adults today still argue about. Some cultures see not getting buried as unjust, wrong, or plain inappropriate. I think that as a whole, America falls somewhere in the middle. Getting cremated doesn't seem to be scandalous but it certainly isn't expected.
Additionally, I've noticed that once cremated, the family or next of kin doesn't always abide whatever further wishes the deceased had wanted. When my great-grandmother was cremated, as requested, I saw nothing wrong with it and nothing particularly interesting either (although I remembering giggling at the idea that was getting whispered around the funeral that the ashes would be divided amongst her children, "What if you got ash that was really just coffin? Wouldn't that suck?"). I do remember though that my aunt held onto the urn with her remains. This is what I believe the norm is cremations - keep the remains and leave them somewhere presentable. It wasn't until recently, the reason for adding in this last line, that I discovered that apparently, my great-grandmother wanted to be scattered in the backyard, beneath a certain tree - not trapped in an urn.
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