When we were told the mother of one of our classmates was coming in to speak on her husband's death I expected a tear filled speech about how her husband's death affected her life, her son's life and a constant reminder of something along the lines of "Live every day to your fullest, for it may be your last." I was sorely mistaken. When Ms. Beth came and spoke, the first thing I noticed and couldn't help but continue to notice was that she didn't cry once while mentioning her husband, either of the two sons he had left behind, or how his battle against advanced kidney cancer changed him from the 'Hollywood handsome' man she kept referring to him as to a skeleton that looked like someone had stretched a thin layer of skin over it, with eyes bulging out of their sockets and a hanging tongue. The image she created was grotesque - just as she promised it would be nothing like how Hollywood portrays death - and the complete opposite of trying to sugarcoat something for a younger audience. Just as she spoke of not wanting the doctors and nurses to see her late husband as his disease rather than a human, if not the man he was, I had the feeling that she was doing something similar to us. She knew our ballpark ages, knew that we were still high school students and quite easily children in the eyes of our education system yet she didn't treat us like children. As Ms. Beth spoke, she gave off this air of equality, something that told me she would use the same tone and word choice when speaking to someone twice our age. In hindsight, I can't help but wonder if the old quote "Death is the great equalizer," can apply to those still healthy and living as well as those dying or dead.
Some insights shared by Ms. Beth:
- That there actually is a difference in the way that some hospital workers will see the patients as (the illness vs the person; ie a thing vs a person)
- How to make them see the person by use of family photos, passing out paintings and artwork.
- Not so much as a direct insight but I noticed that she never was referred to Erik as "my late husband"
- I'm not sure how to articulate it but she spoke about how within the month or so, give or take, how her husband would ask for a bowl of water to put his hand in while he slept. She gave some of her possible personal theories such as the body trying to return back to the womb where it started or to the ocean where life itself started or a still present connection with the water and his last art collection 'Uncharted Waters'. I... I don't even know exactly what to say about this particular quote, for lack of a better word, of hers but I find it terribly fascinating and thought provoking. Do other people do similiar things when they're in the last stages of dying? Wish to return to something be it a mother-like symbol, themselves at their best or simply something that makes them feel better?
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